


Christmas War Zone

by ren (renegadewriter)



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: And Paranoid, Christmas fic, Crack, Jazz POV, Jazz is a bit OC, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 09:10:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renegadewriter/pseuds/ren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prowl and Jazz are on a mission, one Jazz feel will be their doom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas War Zone

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2010

Jazz POV 

 

"Slag Prowler, there're tons of hostiles out there!" I said with unease watching said hostiles move about, some too near our hiding place to be comfortable. But all Prowl did was 'hmm' in agreement. 

"Ah mean come on mech! We might not even survive!" 

He nodded.

"Think we'll make it?" 

He just shrugged.

"Ah still can't believe ya agree ta this! It's suicidal!"

Prowl let out a small sigh, a signal that his patience was starting ta see the limit line. "You are overly exaggerating Jazz." He said in that calm and no-nonsense tone o' his. Though Ah could hear a bit of irritation in it.

"Seriously Prowler, we've never tried this tactic before! What if we're intercepted!?" I cried in despair.

"Jazz, " Oh I could hear a lecture coming. "You are head of OPs, you _deal_ with these kind of _missions_ , as you put it. I would have thought you would have liked having something thrilling to do." Yep, lecture alright. Oh but he was wrong! 

"This ain't about thrill seeking or finally getting out fer a mission. Frag it this is _not_ a mission!"  

"And yet for the past two hours since we left base you have been complaining about the chance we might die on this _mission_. Please make up your mind already." He shot back. At any other time it would have been awesome ta see his sense o' humor but right now, it wasn't appreciated.  

"Frag you Prowl! This goes against everything Ops is!" 

"You were the one that suggested we do something about the new traditions the-" 

"Yeah do something 'bout it as in stop it! They are seriously delusional. It is barbaric! How in the pit haven't ya crashed yet!?"

Ah was met with a deadpanned silence that somehow seemed ta make me look like an idiot. 

"It might have to do with the fact that you are _over exaggerating_ and blowing this whole thing out of proportion."

"The pit Ah am! Ah've heard stories about their kind of rituals, ancient gods come and tear yer spark out." Damn it why couldn't Prowl see reason? 

The fragger even looked at me with a blank expression that just screamed 'you are an idiot and this is me laughing my head off at you'. The slagger. 

"Your source of information is greatly mistaken." Oh he did not just insult my source!

"Listen here you, mah source is not wrong! The power of my source is infinite, it knows no bounds." Ah hissed at him.

"And why the frag do we have ta wear these outfits!? Ah'm sure the hostiles didn't dress like this before." 

Prowl had the gall to roll his optics at me. _Roll his fragging optics at me_! How dare he... If we live Ah'm kicking him out fer the night.  

"Either way, we can not keep stalling Jazz. Come on, the time is coming." 

As silent as his name he disappeared in the shadows o' the alley. Ohoo that was deep, Ah could become a writer. But seriously that mech looks like he could materialize in and out o' places.Mech had style and he wasn't even trying. Course, none could match my style as Ah made ta follow 'im.

 

  
**00000000**  

"Frag that was close!" Ah hissed as a hostile group passed us by, laughing and joking and being all creepy like. 

"For the tenth time Jazz, they are not-" 

"Ya shut up! Come on, the intended target is a few blocks away."

Ah could literally feel the optic roll Prowl made as Ah sneakily tried to evade other hostiles. Frag it, it was late why were there so many of them?

"This is dangerous mech. We're in the middle of a war zone. We should have sent some scouts to do this, or even the twins. Ya on the other servo are way ta valuable ta lose and me, well the universe will cry for my passing." 

"Jazz, I am seriously considering smacking you." Ohooo that said a lot. Prowl didn't usually get violent like, at all. Only that once when he had thrown datapads, with an accuracy that had made Ratchet's _wrench_ jealous, at the twins and then proceeded ta shoot at them. Fraggers deserved it though. Not sure the datapads did. But me, well, Ah really wanna avoid his wrath.  

"Besides, the one in real danger is me not you. You'll probably not even be noticed." Ouch, that hurt.

"Yeah well, that's why Prime sent me. Ah'm yer back up incase ya fall and mech, ya better not, cause your job sucks!"

"Primus give me strength.." He murmured, oh but Ah heard it. 

"Come on let's go through the back where we won't be seen."

Silence was his response and he walked quickly past me into the open streets. Ah cursed at him for being such a suicidal glitch. 

"There is  _no one_ on these streets Jazz. Come, it is only a tad bit farther away."  

"Ah am _not_ going back ta headquarters and telling Blue' ya offlined cause ya were being stupid."  

"Oh for the love of- I am _not_ having this talk with you." Yup his patience won first place in the race.  

"Besides, what ever makes you think I'll fall?" He asked resuming our last conversation. 

"This mission could get too hard fer you, mentally. Ratchet ain't here ta tend ta ya if ya crash." 

Prowl raised an optic ridge at me as he let me catch up to 'im. " I am very capable of handling this mission without coming close to crashing. Handling you in this state though will probably off-line me before the night is over." He answered as we reached the enemy base. Seriously, this was suicide.

Prowl called out to the ones inside. Oh Primus Ah can't believe Ah'm letting him do this. Frag it Ah can't believe _Ah'm_ doing this! It's over, it really is. Goodbye cruel world, my friends, my comrades, my fans… Prowl. Ah'll miss ya all!  

The door opened and- holy Primus there were millions of them! - the tiny creatures came running at us screaming, probably a sonic attack, and laughing and frag it they surrounded us. Maybe if Ah used mah own sonic attack we could…

~ Either stop that line of thought or I _am_ smacking you. ~  

Ah couldn't respond before Ah had two of the small creatures _hugging_ my legs!  

"Are you here to play with us?" One of them asked me and Primus the creature's eyes were all shinny and actually looked cute. No Jazz don't let yourself be fooled, they are only trying ta get ya ta like them so they can eat yer… 

~ What is _with_ you tonight!? ~ Aha finally lost his patience- oh dear he's looking at me with the evil optic. Ah prefer ta die by the hands of these tiny creatures.  

"Autobots!" The creatures cried.

"Hello little ones, we are happy to come and meet you. There are several people that wanted you to have toys and candy for the coming Christmas." Prowl said with a smile. Getting a large box out of his subspace.

"Presents!?"

"Really!? Wow you're the best!" 

"I want a dolly!"

"I want a pony!" 

The frag was a pony?

Prowl chuckled, and Ah have a feeling it wasn't at the little creature.

"I am afraid a pony is out of the question, but there may be a pony plushie in here somewhere." He said rummaging through the box and pulling something out that Ah assume is a pony plushie.

The female _shirked_ in delight. Definitely some kind of attack that the younger creatures have yet ta get control over.

~ Humans and children Jazz, please use those terms as the 'creatures' are very likely to take offense.~ 

~But.~ 

~ I know you have been away on a mission in Cybertron and have not gotten to research this event called Christmas nor its traditions but honestly you are overreacting. Just what information did the twins show you over the internet? ~

~ Trustworthy information! ~ 

All that got me was an exasperated sigh over the bond. 

"Are you Santa's worker elf?" A _boy_ asked Prowl as he pointed at me. And Ah _so_ saw Prowler smirking at me. Oh he was so getting it tonight!

Prowl answered an affirmative and asked the little boy what he wanted for this Christmas thingy. Why Ah don't know. And why the frag was Ah an elf? Weren't elves mystical creatures that existed in fairy tails and in that book Lord of the Rings or something? Pfft why would someone want ta be 'Lord' over some rings? Ah mean- 

~ Make me crash and you'll find our berth very lonely for the next week. ~ 

… shutting up. 

Each kid came up ta Prowl and told them what they wanted and asked about his flying reindeers. Ah could already feel 'im getting lightheaded. 

~ See? Ah told ya ya wouldn't be able ta handle it! ~ 

~ Shut up, stop whining, and give candy to the children will you. ~

As the children started calming down and each taking their present and candy, one of the caretakers came up to us. 

"Wow thank you guys so much for coming, it makes the children happy and us working at the orphanage too. It is so hard to get them to be this joyful on Christmas." She sighed. "They go into tantrums and start fighting each other over the few present we get. This was the only year everyone got a present. Thanks to you guys the orphanage isn't a war zone anymore!"

Hehe yeah.. war zone... 

"We are glad to have helped." Prowl said politely. Frag it. ~ Can we go now!? ~ 

Thankfully we were let go. Can't wait ta get back home and get this awful outfit off me. What if mah fans saw me in this? 

~ They'd still fawn over you and try to take you home so stop whining and lets go home, you have officially exhausted me. Primus you weren't this bad on Halloween. ~ 

~ Halloween made _sense_! Aggg whatever Ah definitely prefer a real war mission than what we just went through. ~  

~Funny you should mention that. I have several datapads with several mission requests on my desk that are just waiting to be seen to. ~

... Eesh, sometimes Prowl has no sense of humor... 


End file.
